Psychology

I Hate My Life: How To Overcome

Reasons for hating your life

I Hate My Life: Life is a tapestry woven from numerous emotions and experiences, where joy, happiness, and satisfaction paint a picture of an ideal existence. At the same time, there is a disturbing undercurrent that sometimes surfaces – a deep and painful feeling of hatred for one’s life.

Unfortunately, some people find themselves trapped in deep dissatisfaction and disappointment that causes them to question their very existence. This deep-seated hatred of one’s own life can manifest itself in various forms, from constant feelings of loneliness to periodic bouts of hatred towards oneself and others. While it may be difficult to understand from an outsider’s perspective, acknowledging the existence and understanding the origins of such emotions is an important step toward developing empathy and providing support to someone in need.

In this article, we will delve into the multifaceted aspects associated with hatred of life and the thinking characteristic of people with this manifested feeling.

Important! If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health or experiencing thoughts of self-harm, it is essential to seek professional help immediately. If this person is you, and you understand that hatred exists and interferes with a normal life, this is already a step towards success. It remains to figure out how to cope with the destructive feelings.

Our online program “ Your Own Psychologist” will help with this – in it, you will learn how to recognize feelings that cause anxiety and learn to live and neutralize them. In order not to fall into hatred, anger, worry and anxiety, fears and tormenting doubts, it is important to develop your emotional intelligence and control your condition using techniques from the online program “ Mental Self-Regulation ”.

What is hatred?

Hatred is a strong feeling of disgust or hostility towards someone or something. It is an intense emotional reaction characterized by deep dislike, resentment, or disdain. Hatred can come in many forms, from mild dislike or irritation to extreme and intense hostility.

Hatred is often accompanied by negative thoughts, strong negative emotions, and a desire to cause harm or negative consequences to the object of hatred. This can be caused by a variety of factors, including personal experience, ideological differences, prejudice, or social conditions.

Even though we can describe hatred as a concept, it can be difficult to define this state in ourselves. This is a complex and conflicting phenomenon, in which everyone defines themselves somewhat differently. According to general psychology, hatred is a feeling, emotion, or affect, while at the same time, social psychology defines the state as a society and an angry crowd [ Svetlana Rudoy, ​​2019 ]. For lawyers, the concept of a “hate crime” has no justification at all, and those who work in the military do not agree with any of the above because they believe that a soldier should feel noble hatred for the enemy. Biologists look for the causes of hostility in genes, physiologists – in instincts, and doctors – in hormones.

Combating hate requires understanding, empathy, and efforts to promote tolerance, respect, and inclusion in personal and community contexts.

Is there any benefit to hatred?

If there is something in the world, it means it is needed for something. Hatred has its own purpose – this feeling pushes a person to preserve the already familiar order, the established life. This is a kind of protective function.

Hatred increases during periods of change in any system: in the state – during wars and reforms, in enterprises – during changes in leadership, internal orders, and demands, in the family – during crises, divorces, and the separation of family members. The psyche strives to return everything to the way it was, which causes stress and it is not always possible to maintain control over the mind and actions.

An example of hatred from life: pension reforms in different countries, which changed people’s plans, and destroyed expectations, which led to protests and riots. Perhaps the person planned to retire in, say, 1.5 years, but this period increased sharply. The “victim,” who could not accept the new reality, went to protests in the hope that he would be able to change something and reach out to legislators. This example most clearly shows that not in every situation and stress that arises we can return everything to the way it was before some critical moment. Life changes and adaptability is what will help maintain self-control and sanity in any situation that does not depend on us, but affects our life.

Reasons for hating others: interesting facts

What does hatred of others have to do with it if we are talking about our own lives? The fact is that our view of life is always complex, and dissatisfaction with others is a projection of our attitude towards ourselves. Therefore, we can explore self-flagellation through what irritates us in others.

Man is a biosocial being; accordingly, the main causes of hostility can be divided into four groups:

  1. Biological – hormonal background, diseases against which aggression occurs.
  2. Psychological – irritation towards objects and hostility due to the need to survive in emergency situations. This also includes character traits and the influence of the external environment in which a person was formed and lived.
  3. Social – the influence of the group to which a person belongs, and the division into friends and strangers, young and old, homosexual and heterosexual – any radically diametrical communities.
  4. Authoritative – the desire to obey or disobey someone who is higher in status or position.

American research psychologists Katherine Aumer from Hawaii Pacific University and Elaine Hatfield from the University of Hawaii at Manoa decided to understand the nature of hatred, and the best way, in their opinion, to do this is to ask ordinary people how they define this feeling, when and under what conditions they experience it, and from what age. The researchers compiled a detailed questionnaire and administered it to the respondents. Analyzing the responses, Katherine Aumer described some of the findings and presented them at the Association for Psychological Science meeting in San Francisco [HuffPost, 2014].

Here are the main conclusions:

  1. Mostly people hate those they know well; strong emotions of hostility are rarely directed towards strangers. The main reason for this phenomenon is betrayal of various kinds: failure to fulfill a promise, infidelity cause a strong disgust for other individuals.
  2. For the first time, people experience hatred at the age of 12 – this is high school, a period of active socialization, the desire for autonomy and independence, and the development of self-awareness. Teenagers are faced with misunderstandings from loved ones who do not share their new views [ Istek, 2023 ].
  3. The age range for dedication to hatred is wide – people spend on this feeling from 6 months to 40 years.
  4. Most often, respondents meant by hatred one of the feelings in the extreme degree of manifestation: hostility, disgust or anger.
  5. For women, ex-husbands are the most hated objects; young ladies aged 28-32 are especially susceptible to destructive feelings. Also, former colleagues and even friends can be objects of hostility.
  6. The greatest degree of hatred goes to the closest people: family members, loved ones. These could be parents, parents-in-law, brothers and sisters. Fortunately, they rarely become this way – one out of 100 respondents dislikes the people closest to them.
  7. On average, people hate about five people in their lives. In men, feelings of hatred develop over time as they get older and peak on average in the mid-30s and decline until the mid-50s.
  8. People rarely experience hatred on a regular basis; most do not experience this feeling at all.
  9. People rarely name political events, crime and violence, which are intensively broadcast from messenger channels, television and other media, as objects of hatred.

Hatred is a deep feeling that directly affects a person at sensitive points – during periods of internal crises, in relation to those who are closest to the soul.

Why do people hate their lives?

People can experience feelings of hatred towards their lives for a variety of reasons. Here are some common factors that may contribute to such emotions:

  1. Mental health problems . Conditions such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or other mental disorders can significantly affect a person’s outlook on life. These conditions can distort thoughts, emotions and overall well-being, leading to feelings of hopelessness, despair and self-hatred.
  2. Unfulfilled expectations. When life does not live up to one’s expectations or desires, it can lead to feelings of disappointment and dissatisfaction. Whether it’s career aspirations, personal relationships, or other goals, unmet expectations can contribute to a negative outlook on life.
  3. Traumatic experiences of events such as abuse , the loss of a loved one, or another serious life-changing incident can greatly impact a person’s mental and emotional well-being. As a result, emotional pain and distress can contribute to hatred of life.
  4. Chronic stress and adversity. Long-term exposure to nervous and psychological stress, adversity or difficult life circumstances such as poverty, discrimination or ongoing personal problems can undermine a person’s resilience and lead to a negative perception of one’s existence.
  5. Social isolation and loneliness. Feeling disconnected from others and lacking a support system can contribute to feelings of emptiness, unhappiness, and a hatred of life. Humans have a fundamental need for social connection and belonging.
  6. Self-esteem issues, feelings of inadequacy, or a negative self-image can greatly impact how a person perceives their life. Negative self-perception can lead to self-criticism , self-blame, and general dislike or hatred of oneself and one’s life.
  7. Existential questions about the purpose and meaning of life can sometimes lead to feelings of frustration or despair. When people struggle to find a sense of purpose or satisfaction, it can contribute to a negative outlook on life.

It is important to note that these factors can interact and influence each other, and the reasons for hating life can be very individual and complex. There may be several solutions in this case: seeking professional help from mental health experts can provide support and guidance for people struggling with these emotions, boosting emotional intelligence to learn to self-regulate one’s own condition.

How does hatred affect life?

At some point, the feeling of hatred towards any object becomes too intense. At this time, there is a risk of destructive behavior , which will interfere with the neutralization of irritation and the person’s ability to cope with the stress that arises. The individual becomes dangerous to himself. Thus, a person can injure himself, including unconsciously, in order to relieve stress, reduce anxiety, punish the body and, as it were, “cleanse” it [ Mind, 2023 ]. In advanced forms of self-hatred, disorders such as eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse, and, in particularly severe cases, thoughts of suicide can occur.

Self-hatred makes a person withdraw into himself – he does not see the colors of the world around him, he constantly thinks about specific problems, often not at all objective. In isolation, a feeling of shame often appears, which aggravates the situation – a person may think that he does not deserve to feel good. As a result, he stops taking care of himself, avoids any opportunities that could make his life better: he stops eating normally, resting, sleeping, maintaining physical activity and communicating with other people.

The emotion of hatred has the right to life, but in limited quantities – often we cannot block its occurrence. But in any case, you shouldn’t waste your life on hatred – this destructive feeling takes a lot of energy and time. It is better to use energy to correct discontent and positive achievements.

How to recognize signs of hatred in yourself?

Recognizing the signs of self-loathing within yourself can be an important step towards understanding and overcoming this feeling, which our psyche normally represses for the purpose of self-preservation . We also often think that the cause of hostility is the very objects that cause destructive feelings.

Here are some potential signs that may indicate feelings of self-hatred:

Negative self-talk. Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. If you frequently subject yourself to harsh self-criticism, berate yourself for mistakes, or constantly think negatively about your worth and abilities, this could be a sign of self-hatred [ Psychologies, 2023 ]

  1. Low self-esteem. Persistent feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, or lack of self-confidence. This may manifest as a constant feeling that you are not good enough or a belief that you are fundamentally flawed.
  2. Self-destructive behavior such as self-harm, substance abuse, excessive risk-taking, or neglect of one’s physical or emotional well-being. This behavior may be due to a deep-seated belief that you are not worthy of care or positive experiences.
  3. Isolation and detachment. If you find yourself constantly withdrawing from social interactions, isolating yourself from others, or avoiding social opportunities, this could be a sign of self-hatred. Believing that you are unworthy of love or acceptance can lead to self-isolation.
  4. Sabotaging your own success or avoiding growth opportunities. This may manifest as a fear of failure or an unconscious desire to reinforce negative beliefs about oneself.
  5. Emotional difficulties. Frequent feelings of anger, resentment, sadness, or emptiness without obvious external triggers. These emotions can be directed inward and may indicate unresolved self-esteem issues.

It’s important to remember that self-hatred is a complex issue, and having one or more of these signs doesn’t necessarily mean you hate yourself. However, if you consistently identify with some of these symptoms and they have a significant impact on your well-being and daily life, you need to think about your own mental health .

Identify negative beliefs about yourself and try to understand where they come from. Learn to distinguish between fantasies and reality: are the reproaches you address to yourself justified, do you really feel guilty because you were made to feel guilty.

9 Steps to Letting Go of Self-Hatred

The author of the bestseller “ The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck ,” Mark Manson, offers nine simple steps to get rid of hatred of life and people [ Mark Manson, 2023 ]. His techniques are suitable for transforming destructive feelings of any severity due to their universality.

Mark Manson is sure: the only way to definitely get rid of self-hatred is to eliminate your consciousness and/or become a psychopath, and this is not suitable for a normal person. It is better to minimize the feeling of hostility and learn to control it. The following techniques will help with this.

Learn to say “No”

According to Manson, the degree of self-hatred a person has is proportional to his desire to please and impress others. The more you consider yourself bad and “somehow different,” the more you will attach importance to what others think of you and spend too much energy on it.

Give power to the word “No” in your life. Learn to say no to meaningless things that are not important to you. Say “No” to those who violate your boundaries and require an inordinate amount of attention. Telling them “No” will clarify your position and make it clear what you are willing to tolerate and what you are not.

Saying “No” is not easy, because you have to pump up your self-respect and self-care. First of all, learn to deny yourself endless self-satisfaction in order to self-discipline and accept the fact that you do not know everything in the world.

Stop “masturbating” non-stop

We are not talking about groping body parts, although if they are too frequent, they should be minimized and brought under control. The word “masturbation” in this context is used in a figurative sense – Mark Manson is referring to the superficial, self-gratifying habits that people regularly engage in: eating 11 desserts and no more, going to bed at 4 am trying to improve your rating in a video game, lying to your friends about some kind of sexual victory, even if there was none, etc.

Indulging in your desires is difficult to stop – it may seem that only they bring joy to a gray, monotonous life. However, their meaninglessness absorbs and takes away energy that could be directed to useful actions and achievements.

Refusing to “masturbate” is an exercise in which you hone the skill of saying “No” to yourself. It is not necessary to completely remove small joys from life; it is important to take control of their quantity and not devote your life to them.

Expose the hate

People often hate something about themselves that they hide from the rest of the world, something that, in the subject’s opinion, people may reject, not accept, or point a finger at. Often these fears are far-fetched and unfounded. But many people have a similar fear who don’t like something about themselves. It’s like playing poker – players think they have bad cards, so they are afraid to play and show their cards in order to avoid shame.

Finding someone sexy who will accept and even adore the deep, dark sides of your personality is often all you need to achieve love. And you will accept the dark sides of your loved one. It follows: in order to cope with what you hate, you need to share it – discover your dark and worst sides, recognize them and show them to the world. This achieves high trust and deep intimacy, but only if you are able to forgive other people and yourself.

Forgive people and yourself

The ability to forgive frees up a lot of energy and gives strength, because hatred and rejection drain them from us in vain.

Forgiveness means admitting shortcomings. Yourself, those around you – everyone who, in your opinion, is imperfect and does not correspond to your picture of the world.

Realize that behind unpleasant or evil actions there are either good intentions or ignorance of who took the actions. Thus, some people mistakenly believe that their action will make the life of another better or easier. For example, they give out advice that doesn’t suit you at all, or solve your problem without asking, but not in the way you need. To forgive others in this regard, remember that you have made mistakes yourself and accept that you cannot know everything.

The less you can recognize and accept what you don’t like, the less you are able to forgive and let go of grievances to other people. To live a life without hatred or to reduce it to the bare minimum, train in flexibility of thinking and learn to pay attention to other people’s mistakes as their bad experiences.

Take a rest

Mark Manson does not explain this step, but simply advises to rest so as not to look tired. Let us add on our own that you should definitely not neglect rest – maintaining a daily routine, adequate sleep, and changing activities help relieve stress and normalize processes in the body, which is critical for the health of the nervous system and its regulation. Read more about this in our article “ Rules of rest: how to rest .”

Let yourself fall

Self-love implies not only the ability to rejoice in one’s own successes, but also to forgive oneself for failures and mistakes. A self-loving person who takes care of himself is not obsessed with the desire to do everything perfectly the first time, he leaves himself room for maneuvers and mistakes.

Move towards achieving your wildest dreams

Achieve your dreams, become rich, take a dominant position in your field, find the love of your life (this doesn’t have to be a person), buy a cool apartment or build a luxurious dream mansion. And then realize that all of the above is not as important as it seemed before, go through an existential crisis , understand that the real meaning of your life is to serve people and make simple joys for yourself. Don’t forget – no “masturbation”!

This is how your new life will begin after hatred with completely different desires, priorities and opportunities.

Stop talking to yourself

Negative and positive self-talk is all untrue. Everything you say to yourself in your thoughts is a product of the fantasy of consciousness. In fact, you don’t know the truth about yourself and the world. Accept the fact – you are not special at all, and this is most likely a good thing, because when you think otherwise, unreasonable expectations arise. They, in turn, bring a variety of manifestations of self-hatred.

Ask your four-year-old about your most important ambition.

Seriously, ask your four-year-old what he thinks is the most important ambition in your life. Most likely he will not understand you, perhaps he will laugh and ask you to play horses with him. And this will be the correct reaction to the words of an adult.

Regardless of what is important to you now: going to a bar, fighting cancer, inventing cold nuclear fusion, you remain a living, ordinary person at every point in your life. This means that you are still able to empathize, play with your life, and the child will be a wonderful reminder of this.

All of Mark Manson’s advice boils down to developing some kind of healthy humility . Most self-loathing people have one thing in common: an excessive sense of self-importance. For them, life is either complete slag, or they believe that everything should be perfect. Both of these opinions are untrue, and a four-year-old child understands this. And asks to play horses. At this time, do not try to explain to your child how you want to solve the problem of global warming. Shut up and play horses [ Mark Manson, 2023 ].

7 more effective methods of neutralizing hatred

Dealing with self-hatred is a complex and deeply personal journey, but with patience, self-compassion and support, it is possible to work through and overcome this destructive feeling.

Classic psychologists give the following recommendations for neutralizing self-hatred:

  1. Practice self-compassion, treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would treat a close friend. Accept that everyone makes mistakes and has flaws, and that you deserve forgiveness and acceptance .
  2. Challenge negative self-talk: Become aware of the negative thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself and actively work to challenge and reframe them. Replace self-criticism with positive and realistic statements. Think about what advice you would give to a friend in such a situation?
  3. Surround yourself with positive influences , people who encourage and support you. Seek out friends, family members or groups who can offer support and help you develop a more positive self-image.
  4. Practice self-care: Engage in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. Prioritize self-care practices such as exercise, eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and participating in hobbies or activities that you enjoy. Self-care can promote a more positive self-image.
  5. Focus on strengths and achievements. Take a break from self-criticism , celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem, and remind yourself of the positive qualities and abilities you possess.
  6. Set realistic goals: Break big goals into smaller, manageable steps. By setting achievable goals and working towards them, you can gain confidence and a sense of accomplishment, which can help you counteract self-hatred (we talk about how to do this the right way and turn dreams into real goals in the Dream to Goal online program).
  7. Seek professional help from a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support, help you explore the root causes of your self-hatred and develop strategies to overcome it.

Remember that overcoming self-hatred takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you feel overwhelmed or unable to make progress on your own.

Hate in culture

The theme of hatred for humanity is not new, as we can judge from works of art from different years. A destructive feeling has arisen in people at all times and inspired the creation of immortal masterpieces.

Thus, many paintings by famous artists were painted against the backdrop of hatred of military opponents, religious opponents, sects and communities, and individual feelings. There are many examples of paintings, in any nationality and any genre: “Judith Beheading Holofernes” by Artemisia Genteleschi (1612), “Saturn Devouring His Son” by Francisco Goya (circa 1823), “The Face of War” by Salvador Dali (1941), “Portrait Pope Innocent X” by Francis Bahon (1954), Soviet patriotic posters from the Great Patriotic War, paintings about the Shoah , etc.

Hate, along with love, is the strongest source of inspiration for any creator. Without serious experiences, it is difficult to create any special masterpiece; each painting is the artist’s story.

The problem of love and hate is quite often revealed in cinema. “Love, hate, pain , pleasure, life, death. Everything is here… This is what it means to be human” – a famous phrase from the anime series Berserk (Berserk Kenpuu Denki Berserk). The directly destructive feeling lies in the plots of the films: “ A Perfect Murder ” about hatred and revenge on an ex-wife, “ Mr. and Mrs. Smith ” about the confrontation between former spouses, the film “ Hate ” about the enmity of different national groups. The list goes on for a long time.

We cannot fail to note the film “ Why We Hate ” from the Discovery Channel, in which the authors attempted to study hatred and find ways to combat this destructive feeling. The film was shot in the documentary genre.

Many songs in different genres have already been written and will be created about love and hate. “There was everything in my life: love, hate” is sung in the song “ Outro ” by Levan Gorozia. In it, as in other works on this topic, there are clues for the audience on how to cope with destructive feelings using the example of the hero’s experience. This is a great way to look at someone else’s example and try to project it onto yourself. But not every way out of hatred is right for you – use critical thinking when analyzing any work.

Let’s summarize

Spending your life on hatred is a wasted activity that takes energy and time. If you feel irritated with yourself and others, a dislike for events and people’s actions that bothers you, try to figure it out: maybe it’s time for you to make attempts to normalize your psychological state. The techniques from the online program “ Your Self-Psychologist ” will help with this, where you will learn to identify feelings, name them, identify the causes of their occurrence and ways to normalize the condition.

Techniques from the online program “ Mental Self-Regulation ” will help you maintain a normal psychological background and avoid falling into stress, regret, hatred, fears and uncontrollable anxiety.

Live here and now, in real reality, and not in illusions about yourself and the world around you!

About the author

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A talented writer whose captivating stories explore the depths of human emotion and experience. With a unique blend of elegance and authenticity, TheStreetBlogger's work sparks conversations, challenges norms, and inspires empathy. Their dedication to storytelling illuminates the power of words to unite and uplift us all. TheStreetBlogger; "Where Streets Speak and Stories Unfold"

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