Relationships: Insights from Psychologists

Relationships: Insights from Psychologists

Relationships: The relationship between a man and a woman is a specific topic, so it makes sense to immediately clarify what we will talk about this time, and what exactly is meant by the word “why.” We are not going to tell the obvious to those who already know why they need a relationship. Yes, they are unlikely to read this article now, since they are busy with things (relationships) much more interesting than reading scientific articles.

Moreover, we are not going to explain why relationships are needed for those who have not needed them for a long time due to various objective and subjective reasons. The article is rather for those who are just building or intend to build their future: we can help you figure out why someone might need a relationship with you. Yes, understanding another person and what he needs from you is often much more important than nurturing your dreams and desires. In any case, if you are interested in healthy, harmonious relationships,.

Now a little about psychologists. Almost every adult considers himself a bit of a psychologist, and there are now quite a few holders of diplomas in psychology. Every year the army of certified psychologists increases by several thousand more people, and this is only among the Russian-speaking population for which our blog is designed. All these psychologists were trained according to standard programs approved by the Ministry of Education, which is why they say approximately the same thing, including about relationships.

Our task, firstly, is to present academic concepts in simple human language. And, secondly, to find in the depths of academic science something interesting and useful that will most vividly and imaginatively illuminate the question “Why does a person need a relationship?” and maybe help you find your own exclusive answer.

Basic Reasons for Looking for a Relationship

First, let’s look at the basic reasons why men and women get into relationships. One way or another, all psychologists talk about them, but each in their own way: some one way, some another.

The main reasons why people build relationships:

  1. Solving material and housing issues (relevant, first of all, for women who need a protector and breadwinner).
  2. The need for sexual partnership (relevant, first of all, for men, since a woman is chosen primarily on the basis of sexual attractiveness).
  3. Confirmation or increase of social status (the minimum task is not to stand out and be like everyone else, the maximum task is to raise your significance in society through relationships).
  4. Increasing self-esteem (self-sufficiency is the privilege of a few; most need confirmation of their own usefulness in the form of having a partner, husband, family and a feeling of being needed).
  5. The instinct of reproduction, the desire to procreate (almost everyone wants to see a “piece of themselves,” even the most selfish people).
  6. Compensation (nothing that I’m not beautiful, but I have a rich and influential husband; nothing that I earn little, but what a beautiful wife I have).
  7. The desire to manipulate and dominate, cratic (from the Greek κράτος “power, rule”) motivation (it is much easier to gain power over someone who loves you than over any other person).

Purely hypothetically, the last point could not be highlighted, because critical motivation is also part of the compensation mechanism. For example, for a person who would like to rule, but due to personal qualities, will never be able to become a boss, family relationships become the only chance to show who is in charge. However, the topic of achieving power over another person is much broader than simple compensation for one’s own complexes, so it is better to highlight the critical motivation for building relationships as a separate item.

So, we have looked at the main reasons that motivate a man and a woman to build a relationship. Now let’s go back to psychologists for a moment. There are thousands and thousands of psychologists, but only a few are in demand. Well, okay, dozens, at most a couple of hundred psychologists in our post-Soviet space are indeed read, revered, and in demand for many generations. Not so much for a multi-million Russian-speaking population.

Why is this so if everyone studied approximately the same curriculum? But because almost everyone sees only the most obvious, which they talk about in every possible way, and only a few see more and deeper than the main reasons why people build relationships,. Few can understand the intricacies of reasons and relationships and answer the question of why you need a relationship and, what is much more important, why a relationship with you might be needed. Let’s try to unravel these intricacies, at least a little.

Sigmund Freud on relationships

Sigmund Freud is known for his research on the psychology of the unconscious. It is for him the phrase that, perhaps, most fully reveals the essence of the human need for relationships: “We do not choose ourselves by chance, we only meet those who are already in our subconscious.”

Therefore, in Freud’s view, the subconscious mind is more responsible for a person’s desire to be in a relationship than for a conscious choice. So if you find out what your subconscious mind is looking for, you can easily understand why you really need a relationship.

Now the second point and, as we wrote previously, the most important. It is important to understand that subconsciously, we already exist. If each one chooses only those who are already in the subconscious, then we are chosen according to the same principle. If this is clear, then in the end you will have to activate your consciousness and try the basic patterns.

For example, if a woman wants to feel protected always and everywhere, then the probability of attracting the attention of a dominant, or even despotic, person is very high. If a man wants to dominate, then when choosing a partner, he can trust at most one “gray mouse”, who does not want to take responsibility for his life. A determined and independent girl is unlikely to tolerate someone’s despotism and complete control.

Virtually all of the visible and seemingly conscious reasons why people enter or continue relationships can be seen through the realm of the unconscious. Of course, this way you are unlikely to correct your subconscious mind, but at least it will reduce the degree of misunderstanding why your relationship develops this way and not another way.

And another thought from a master in psychology: “A woman should soften, not weaken, a man.” Yes, this idea should be taken into account long before the first date. Few men will seek to be with a woman who weakens them. But the opportunity to be next to someone soft, kind, and loving seems clearly more attractive. By the way, demand is also one of the reasons why the stronger sex seeks a relationship with the weaker sex. And one of the differences is in the motivation for relationships on the part of the stronger and weaker sex.

Vladimir Levi about love

If love is the highest form of relationship between a man and a woman, a logical question arises: can the desire for love be the reason that motivates the desire for a relationship? Can love be seen solely as a result of a relationship? And can we say that a relationship is love?

Perhaps, the great scientist Uladzimir Levy defined this relationship most clearly: “Those who are loved are loved. They love you for everything and nothing. They love for what they love. No attractiveness has anything to do with love, no success, no strength and beauty. Love cannot be earned, love is only given and accepted or not.”

But if so, why not leave this one point instead of all the main reasons why people build relationships? Simply because no one can ever predict how long love will last. And if love is the only reason for a relationship, then when it ends, the relationship ends.

Few people want to be alone with the consequences of lost love: shattered hopes, unresolved material problems, raising children alone. Therefore, the relationship, after all, is not the same as love, although without love in this life is bad and sad. If love arises, according to the teachings of Levi, without any conscious motives, then the relationship can have many reasons from those we have considered.

So what is the answer to the question in the title of this article? Why does a person need a relationship? That’s not really the point. The answer can be any of the above options or your own, exclusive, unique, like love. So love and be loved! The rest really doesn’t matter!

And if you want to learn how to build a relationship properly and effectively, then we invite you to take our online program “Building a relationship”, where in 4 weeks you will learn how to build a relationship in which both partners will be happy and satisfied, learn how to help together cope with difficulties and develop, find mutual understanding and live in harmony with a partner.

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A talented writer whose captivating stories explore the depths of human emotion and experience. With a unique blend of elegance and authenticity, TheStreetBlogger's work sparks conversations, challenges norms, and inspires empathy. Their dedication to storytelling illuminates the power of words to unite and uplift us all. TheStreetBlogger; "Where Streets Speak and Stories Unfold"

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