Marriage Without Sex: Stay or Go?

Marriage without sex: Stay or Go?

Marriage without sex: Stay or Go? One of the main problems that many couples face is the difference in temperament. We are all different, and each person has their own ideas about how often “it” should happen. For some, the normal pace will be once a week, but for others, every day is not enough. This is normal, and loving people, as a rule, achieve harmony in this matter.

It’s another matter when a partner avoids intimacy altogether. A marriage without sex, and that’s what they call it, if a couple makes love less than 10 times a year, this is already a problem. In any case, one of the partners will certainly be dissatisfied, and a logical question will arise: Marriage without sex: “Should I stay or should I leave?”

Should you get a divorce if there is no intimate relationship in the marriage?

Again: we are all very different. Some people cannot imagine life without making love, while others will accept the situation. It all depends on how important this issue is for each of the partners, and how much they want to solve this problem together. Some couples, for example, are very rarely close or never at all, and this suits both of them completely.

There is no “normal” or “healthy” level of sexual desire or activity, so if the existing one suits a man and woman, then there is no cause for concern. If at least one person in a relationship is dissatisfied with the lack of sex, a moment will inevitably come when he thinks about divorce. And you shouldn’t rush into this, because not everything is lost: you can do a number of things that can save the marriage.

First of all, it is important to consider the reason for the lack of physical intimacy. Because there is a big difference between the situation when one of the partners gets sick, becomes disabled or for some other reason cannot maintain an intimate relationship, and when he simply does not want to make love.

It’s no secret that love and intimacy become calmer over the years. Perhaps you are unhappy because you are comparing today with the time when you first started living together? And perhaps you will have to reconsider the very definition of intimacy – after all, it is not only the fact of physical intimacy. Making love involves many other forms that could bring joy to both partners. The point is that “it won’t be the same as when you were young”, and your expectations should be adjusted. It’s a little sad, but that’s life. Moreover, what is lost over time can be replaced with no less exciting and wonderful experiences.

Another important aspect of this question is how the lack of intimacy relates to other problems between you. After all, you can support each other and treat each other with understanding, or you can criticize, despise and at every opportunity remind you that “New Year comes more often.” In the first case, there is no threat to the marriage, but in the second, divorce is only a matter of time.

Marriage without sex: Stay or Go? – What is the solution?

Before deciding to separate, try to work together to solve other problems in the marriage (not related to sex), and then it may turn out that the cause of the disagreement was not a lack of physicality. And if the relationship improves, there will be positive changes in the bedroom.

Marriage without sex: Stay or Go? — That is the question.

You should get a divorce in the following cases:

1. Your partner categorically refuses to solve the problem together.

It is possible to establish intimate relationships, but this requires the desire and readiness of both partners. First of all, the problem will have to be voiced, discussed and together thought about which option would suit the spouse. Even if you have already decided to divorce, before announcing your decision, have a heart-to-heart talk with your partner. Tell us how you feel, discuss what is stopping you and how you can overcome it. That is, a solution always exists, but for this you need to sit down at the negotiating table.

By the way, do not rush to conclusions that your partner does not want to meet you halfway. First, make sure you have done everything you could on your part. For example, if your partner has low libido, you should try to find something that your partner likes, something that will help open up a world of physical pleasure. Don’t be too serious and categorical: treat lovemaking as a game. This is not a competition or conquering peaks. No records and no comparisons!

And only when you have tried all the ways and options to “reach out” to your loved one, and the answer is nothing, perhaps it’s time to think about breaking up. Don’t blame each other – just accept it as a fact that it is so, because it is so.

2. Problems in relationships are so serious that the lack of intimacy is nothing.

The lack of intimate relationships can be a consequence and a sign of other serious problems. And it is they, and not this moment, that destroys your marriage. Moreover, if at least one of the partners has neither the desire nor the strength to work on the relationship.

For example, your relationship has long been “settled”: toxicity, constant criticism and accusations, gaslighting or physical violence. All this inevitably leads to the fact that lovemaking is perceived as hard labor. In the same way, disagreements about money or raising children have a negative impact on your intimate life. In this case, most likely, such a marriage cannot be saved. If one of the partners suppresses the other, cheats or is very cruel, the union has no future. As you can see, in many cases the problem is much deeper than a simple mismatch in the temperaments of the spouses. If you don’t solve what has been building up and poisoning your marriage for years, it will no longer be saved. There is only one way out: say goodbye.

3. Your preferences and interests in this area are so different that enjoying physical intimacy is simply impossible.

Sometimes couples experience what we call “erotic conflict.” Every person has things that turn them on. In the same way, everyone has certain ideas about what kind of intimacy he needs and with whom. For example, one of the partners has such fanciful and perverted fantasies that the other is simply scared. In the same way, a person’s non-traditional sexual orientation can interfere with the establishment of harmony.

During therapy, I try to help couples find “common ground,” but I admit, not everyone succeeds. Some couples solve the existing problem by engaging in self-satisfaction. Others decide to have an “open relationship” while remaining married. When people love each other and are ready to meet each other halfway, all methods are good. The main thing is that it suits them. But if these options are not acceptable, you may decide to divorce due to sexual incompatibility. Yes, this happens, and no one is to blame for this. Again: we are all very different.

Is it possible to save such a marriage?

Yes. If you love your partner and value your relationship, you will always find a way to solve the problem of lack of physical intimacy. But you will have to work hard for this. However, this applies not only to intimacy – nothing in life is given just like that, easily and carefree.

The fact is that society, with the help of the media, films and books, imposes on us the idea that intimacy is very simple and natural. And if problems arise in the bedroom, it means something is wrong in the relationship. But the truth is that almost all couples experience intimacy problems at some point in their relationship. This is normal and should not be alarmed. And even more so – immediately think about divorce. You can always discuss the problems that have arisen, come up with a reasonable alternative, etc.

The lack of physical intimacy, as a rule, does not mean that love is irretrievably gone, and there is only one way out – divorce. The fact is that sexual attraction also has its own stages of development, especially when people live together for a long time. Our desires and preferences change over the years, and this is normal. By the way, not only this – our whole life is changing.

If you want to stay married and enjoy the physical side of life, then be prepared to work at it. Moreover, to both partners equally. If a spouse feels that he is not alone in the struggle for the family, then no matter how difficult the problems in the intimate sphere may be, there will always be a way out.

Unless the differences are so insurmountable that it really is a reason for divorce. However, such cases are extremely rare. As a rule, it is not disharmony in intimate life that separates and separates people. You have to dig deeper. And if you are determined to save the marriage, work on the relationship.

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Official Street Blogger

A talented writer whose captivating stories explore the depths of human emotion and experience. With a unique blend of elegance and authenticity, TheStreetBlogger's work sparks conversations, challenges norms, and inspires empathy. Their dedication to storytelling illuminates the power of words to unite and uplift us all. TheStreetBlogger; "Where Streets Speak and Stories Unfold"

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